The term Karen is notorious now – following the countless videos of white women- a term that encapsulates white women who use their position in society to wield their privilege to weaponise the institutions against people of colour – particularly Black people. Outrageous displays of entitlement and danger that have the potential to end fatally for those on the receiving end. Whilst the countless Karen memes are pretty hilarious the real-life encounters are anything but.
When I watched the video of Amy Cooper, hearing those words that showed that she was all too aware of what she was doing, I immediately became anxious, my heart started racing and I found it hard to breathe.
"I'm going to tell them there's an African American man threatening my life."
I started having flashbacks about my own experience with a ‘Karen’, a white woman who knew all too well what she was doing. No I wasn’t in fear for my life, but I feared for my livelihood, I feared for my reputation, I feared that I wasn’t going to be able to provide for my young son and new baby who was due to be born a month later, I feared that all those hours I had put into training to be a teacher were about to become meaningless.
I had spoken about this woman, this Karen in counselling sessions, I had spoken about her with friends for years after the incident back in 2011. I thought I had finally gotten past it, but then came Amy Cooper. Amy Cooper wasn’t the first by any means, I’d seen this scenario play out so many times – but this time was different; being in lockdown without much variation in our daily routines, having extra time to contemplate things, not having that support network to help ease the pain through laughter or shared experiences – ‘my’ Karen came back with a vengeance. The thing that had always bothered me about this experience was that it cost me so much whilst she simply got away with it. I lost over a stone, my hair started falling out, had it not been for the support I received I would have quit teaching there and then. I came to find that experiences and interactions such as the one I had gone through were not rare but were in fact alarmingly common amongst Black teachers. I would tell myself that one day my voice would be loud enough for the truth to be heard, I don’t think I ever really believed it, but it helped me to get by.
When wider society at large started to get behind the Black Lives Matter movement, when White people started to make bold statements in condemnation of anti-Blackness, when institutions and companies started pledging to do and be better, I decided to look her up. I hadn’t seen her face since leaving the school – I had no interest in seeing her. Her photo popped up, the same photo she used back when I worked with her, and yes you guessed it, the heart palpitations, the breathing trouble – I felt embarrassed that just the sight of this woman was able to make me feel this way and after all these years. She is now the headteacher of the school she now works in; it was sickening (but not surprising) to see that her false allegations hadn’t affected her career. But that was nothing compared to how I felt when I read the statement on the school website in support of Black Lives Matter. I actually said out loud, “Is she taking the piss!?” Whatever she has told herself since that day, she knows the truth, she knows what she did. She knew exactly what she was doing when she accused me of ‘silent intimidation’, when she accused me of being ‘extremely hostile and aggressive’. Whilst she made the allegations, she wasn’t alone, the headteacher who came to rescue the white damsel in distress at the mercy of the aggressive Black man was Asian, highlighting the problem with grouping the Black experience under the banner of BAME. As a ‘fellow’ person of colour did she understand what was happening? Did she ask me for my version of events? No not at all. She accused me of behaviour, which she had not witnessed, she too tried to bring me down purely on the basis of ‘Karen’s’ lies.
Seeing that post on her school website was too much, this woman had tried to ruin my life and now thinks she can just hide behind this statement because #BLACKLIVESMATTER as if what she did hasn;t had a huge negative impact on my life.
Racists need to be called out. Racist behaviour needs to be called out. Every single time. There are now too many of us demanding accountability and actively calling out white supremacy for us to be ignored.
My First Term as a Teacher
I trained to become a teacher because I wanted to make a difference to the lives of Black children, I aimed to have a positive impact on all children in my care but for Black children in particular I thought that the mere presence of a Black male teacher could be life changing.
I was given my first teaching job on the spot. As part of the application process I had taught a lesson with the headteacher (HT) and deputy headteacher (DH) observing me followed by feedback and an interview. Despite the fact that the application period had not yet ended I was offered the job. The duo seemed nice enough, the school was close enough that I could walk without it taking forever to get there.
I had qualified less than a month before securing the job, so I was quite laid back, I knew my NQT (Newly Qualified Teacher) period was secure and all I had to do was pass. I wasn’t worried, at the risk of sounding arrogant, I found teaching quite easy.
I went in over the summer holidays to prepare my classroom and I got to know my year group partner, an experienced and enthusiastic teacher. We got on well and got to know each other quite well whilst preparing our classrooms for the coming academic year.
I can remember one staff member making a comment in reference to the deputy head (a blonde-haired white lady) “oooh she’s gonna like you”, relating to the fact that she had a Black partner and it seemed a preference for Black men. I thought nothing of it. I was there for the children and to pass my NQT year, nothing else.
Fast forward to the beginning of the academic year and the deputy head is allocated as the NQT mentor (there were two of us, myself and a girl whom I’ll call Louise). I had year 4 whilst Louise had Year 1 which was in a separate building on the other side of the playground. I kept very much to myself, mainly interacting with my year group partner and my teaching assistant whom I’ll call Jenni. I got on really well with Jenni, it felt like we were old friends. She was really supportive, great with the children and we just seemed to bounce off each other.
As an NQT you are supposed to receive a certain amount of support from your NQT mentor, but this didn’t happen. It didn’t bother me, I was doing well, and I preferred it that way to be honest; but Louise was having a harder time and needed the support – which she wasn’t being given. She confided in me about this but didn’t feel able to raise this with DH. On the floor where I taught, there were two teachers that DH was close friends with and I often saw her coming and going from their rooms – I remember the three of them had the same bracelet; again, it didn’t bother me, but I thought it unfair that she had time for these interactions but wasn’t making time for Louise.
Up until this point I had had a lesson observation and being given really good feedback, each week we had to submit a sample of the children’s exercise books (selected by HT and DH) to monitor our marking, the feedback on my marking was consistently very good, in fact my marking was singled out on more than one occasion during staff meetings as an example of ‘how it’s done’.
So, one day DH calls me and Louise for a catch up meeting. As we sat there waiting, Louise was clearly anxious and expressed the fact that she was really unhappy that she wasn’t being supported but didn’t feel that she could say anything. When DH arrived, she asked through a smile “Do you feel supported?”
I answered honestly “No.” I didn’t have a chance to say anything else as it seemed that my honesty had prompted Louise to do the same and she proceeded to explain just how unsupported she felt. DH’s face was visibly angry. Louise stopped speaking. We were told that we were ungrateful. The meeting ended prematurely. The weekend passed and the next week began. I generally got into school pretty early and I’d not long entered my classroom when DH followed behind and said she needed to have a word with me “You were really rude during our meeting and you lead Louise astray.”
So, I asked “How so?”, she said Louise had never spoken that way before, so I asked again “How was I rude? I barely spoke. I’m sorry if you felt I was rude, you asked a question and I answered. If Louise felt more confident to speak honestly because I was there, I’m not responsible for that nor will I take responsibility for the behaviour of another adult.”
DH backtracked “Oh ok I can see it was just a misunderstanding, it makes more sense now that you’ve explained it, are we ok?”
“Yeah of course.”, but it really didn’t matter to me. I was there for the children not her.
“Come here, give me a hug.” At this point my spider sense started tingling, it was clear to me that this was someone who was not to be trusted. She had closed my classroom door behind her when she walked in, I was alone with her – “I’d rather not.” I responded.
The whole event had left me feeling uncomfortable, so as soon as Jenni arrived, I explained the whole sequence of events. “You know what’s going to happen, now don’t you?” I had an idea, but I wanted to be sure “What’s gonna happen?” I asked, “Nothing you do is going to be good enough.”
And sure, enough my previously exemplary marking in my sample books wasn’t good enough, but it really came to a head during the following lesson observation. During the feedback session with DH, I was presented with a list of how bad the lesson was, I knew what was going on, but I didn’t argue “I take on board all your feedback and I will take the appropriate action in order to improve.”
“Is that all you’re going to say?” I was confused, was there something I was meant to say? After all this was only my first term as a teacher, maybe I had missed something. “I’m not sure what else I can say, you’re my mentor and you’ve told me where I need to improve so I’m going to follow your advice in order to so.”
She looked me in the eye, blank expression “You’re not co-operating, you need to engage more, in fact you’re being really difficult.” At this point I felt that what she had expected was some sort of resistance but as she hadn’t got it, she had to look elsewhere for chinks in my armour (I’d experienced this tactic from the police several times before). “I’m confused, I’m not sure what I’ve done wrong.”, then she caught me with the blow that I didn’t see coming. “Actually, you’re intimidating me.” And there it was, she had shown her hand.
“Intimidating you? How?” You have to consider that as a Black man I am hyper aware of my presence, body language, my volume, my tone of voice and how my Black presence may be perceived. In fact, I was sat on a child’s chair with DH sitting on an adult chair. I made sure my hands were visible on my lap at all times, I spoke quietly and even made sure I was leaning back slightly. “How am I intimidating you, you just told me I wasn’t engaging with you”
“It’s silent intimidation” she responded. “Silent intimidation what does that even mean?”, I asked.
“I’m not saying anymore”, I jumped up. I went immediately up to my year group partner and asked her to come with me, I explained the situation on the way back. If she was going to make false allegations, I wanted a witness. In the meantime, DH had called HT, HT came storming in and immediately shouted at me “Who the hell do you think you are?”, DH put on the tears “I can’t do this anymore” she said through forced tears as she left.
I stood up and left, “I’m not going to sit here and be shouted at, I’m outnumbered. If we are going to speak, we will do so with a witness of my choosing present.” I got up and left. Let me remind you, HT is Asian, which is why this idea that the Black experience and BAME experience are one and the same is problematic, the Black experience is unique in that we experience anti-blackness from all other ethnic groups, we are at the bottom of the racial hierarchy.
Now what I need to make very clear is that I left the room very soon after DH which she had clearly not expected, and I bumped into her on the stairwell smiling into her pocket mirror as she wiped away her tears.
A few days later I’m sat in a meeting with my former tutor from my time as a trainee teacher, a Black woman. Her colour is important to mention as due to shared experiences and an understanding of systematic and institutional racism she understood what was happening and had supported other Black teachers in similar situations
We sat down in HT’s office with a representative from Human Resources. Now I was the one who had asked for this meeting in order to present my side of events. HT began proceedings “The reason for this meeting is to begin disciplinary action against Leon. My tutor ended the meeting there and then, informing them that if that was the case, I would need to have a union representative present and that they are obliged to inform me of their intention to pursue disciplinary action in advance. At the end of the following day, a letter informing me that I would be facing disciplinary action had been placed in my pigeon hole, backdated to the day before the meeting. It stated that I would be facing disciplinary action due to the severity of my highly aggressive behaviour (highly aggressive silent intimidation!?) – note HT still had not spoken to me about what happened.
I consoled in my year group partner and she said she would support me and testify that I was not being aggressive at all. Shortly after this she was called into a meeting, following that meeting she produced an account of how I had also been intimidating her. I was really confused as to why she had done this, we were friends, we’d never fallen out. I went and asked her, she was clearly taken aback to find out that I had read her account (as was my right), she became flustered “I’m not having this conversation.” She left the room later adding this interaction to her account as evidence of my aggressive behaviour.
Fast forward and I’m sitting in my classroom with my union representative (UR). “I’m going to be honest, it doesn’t look good, it’s three against one.” I was doing a pretty good job of putting on a calm front, “The truth will win, their story won’t hold, you’ve got three different people telling lies.”
Sure, enough we got to the meeting, me, UR and HT accompanied by a representative from HR. DH declined to attend.
HT proceeded to declare how several staff members had witnessed me being hostile towards DH during a staff meeting.
“Who I asked?”
“That’s not important.”
UR interrupted “For the purposes of this meeting it is relevant.”
“Oh, I can’t remember.”
“Not even one?” I asked “Ok.” I then pulled out a statement I had typed out “During the meeting in question I did not witness Leon being hostile, he asked a question relating to the feedback he had received.” The statement had been signed by 10 staff members.
“Well following your lesson feedback with DH, you became extremely aggressive and hostile.”
“But you weren’t there. At no point have you asked me for my version of events. If I was extremely aggressive and hostile why was I allowed to go back to my class alone (Jenni only worked up until lunchtime and the feedback session was during the lunch break), surely it wasn’t safe for the children to be alone with me?”
As the meeting proceeded HT became visibly agitated, she was insistent that we were moving away from the real issue which was my aggressive behaviour. UR commented “You keep talking about how aggressive Leon is but he’s been calm throughout whilst you are being very aggressive towards him.”
HT clearly running out of ammo retorted “Well I think you’re (UR) aggressive”, even the HR rep who was there on behalf of HT scoffed at this.
At the end of the meeting the HR representative apologised to me stating that he hadn’t been made aware that HT had not even asked my version of events. Following this meeting another staff member came into my room “What did you say in there!? HT’s just swept her entire desk onto the floor and shouted, ‘HE HUMILIATED ME!”, I didn’t witness this for myself it’s just what I was told.
Following this meeting, I was subjected to constant random checks of my classroom, members of senior management (the assistant head mainly) sitting in on my lessons without warning and larger and more frequent samples of marking being checked. I couldn’t cope, my hair started falling out, I lost a stone. I went on sick leave. HT referred me to occupational health, I attended a meeting and was met by an older Black woman. She asked me what had been going on. When I informed her, she sat back in her chair and removed her glasses. “I wasn’t told any of this by the headteacher”. She recommended I be off work for a minimum of six weeks. In our next appointment she informed me that HT that phoned her, shouting down the phone at her for signing me off, which she informed me had only reaffirmed her belief that she had made the right decision in signing me off.
I informed the school in writing that I no longer wanted to work there. I was a new teacher with a 3-year-old son and a second child just weeks away from being born. HT informed me that I would not pass my first term if I did not return to work. There was no way I was going to go back and put myself through that.
Luckily a friend of mine was good friends with a prominent Black local councillor at the time and put him onto my case. Upon speaking to him, he informed me that he had to remain impartial but would look into it. He spoke to the head of education for the borough, and subsequently let me know that based on the reaction he got when he asked about what was going on with me, he knew that I was telling the truth. I was immediately allowed to leave without working out my notice – no doubt due to the potential for exposure now that the councillor had taken an interest. I can’t help but dwell on what might have happened had he not got involved.
What she wanted was for me to submit, submit to her ego, submit to her superior position in society. Never. When she realised that wasn’t going to happen, she decided to attack my existence as a Black man in a society where the perception of me is based upon stereotypes, historical stereotypes rooted in slavery and mainstream stereotypes perpetuated by the media. She did it with the confidence and knowledge that she would be believed, all she had to do was ‘cry’. History had shown her that.Or maybe I’ve just got a chip on my shoulder, after all, she can’t be racist, she likes Black men…right?
A friend of mine expressed concern about the potential legalities of me naming the school in this post. What does it say about the system when the victims have to be concerned about naming the perpetrators for fear of potential legal repercussions? How do we change this behaviour if we have to ‘protect’ perpetrators? We have to be bold enough to challenge racism wherever and however it manifests regardless of the consequences. Things are changed through compliance. Fear of legalities has enabled so many injustices (not just racism) to go unchallenged. With that in mind the school’s statement on Black Lives Matter can be found via the link below
My experiences with racism as a teacher are not limited to this incident in fact I have experienced it at most of the schools I’ve worked in, and I’ve worked in a good few. In part two I’ll be writing about the white deputy headteacher who came into work, in a Lewisham School, in 2014, in Black face. And how challenging that lead to false allegations against me.
“The axe forgets what the tree remembers.” - African Proverb